The Thing about Marriage Vows

The thing about marriage vows is that we say them on our wedding day, but which couples are able to actually live out and obey their vows?  A colleague of mine recently shared that she and her husband were able to experience all that they had vowed during the first month of their marriage! I can relate for many reasons.  But none other than the sickness and health vow. You see, today marks year TEN that The Hubs has been living with...




...his new kidney!

Ten years ago today, after some really dark days (take my word for it!), emergency room visits, several hospital stays, and countless worrying and sleepless nights, we got the call we had been waiting for.  And I say the word, "we" because even though The Hubs was the one who suffered the most, sometimes we tend to forget that the spouses and significant others also suffer too. We are the caregivers, and we are put through an enormous strain, both physically and emotionally, and unless you've experienced it, it's hard to understand.

The Hubs had been undergoing dialysis for five long years, and it seemed as if we would never get the call.  But we did. I remember arriving at Emory and not fully understanding the magnitude of what was about to happen, how long a night we were in for and how the lives of not one, but two families would be changed forever. 

A strange thing happened when we got to the waiting room. There was another family there, and we were told that either The Hubs or that "other guy" would get the kidney. Now hold up. Wait a minute! What? Here we were ready to get this blessing, only now there was a chance we wouldn't! I eyed that other family cautiously. Of course I wished them no harm, but I really wanted The Hubs to walk out of that hospital with that kidney. After what seemed like forever, we would learn that both The Hubs and Derrick (turns out that "other guy" had a name) would get a kidney from the same donor.

So what happened since that day, ten years ago, on January 19? What did that whole experience teach us?

First, it made us stronger as a married couple. How could it not? You're either better off because of it or not. And we chose to come out on the other side of it more united. Don't get me wrong, there have been hospital visits and scares since, and I imagine that is a part of the territory, a part of our story. But.  There is a ribbon in the sky for us.

Second, sometimes friendships are formed under unusual circumstances.  How could they not? Both The Hubs and Derrick share an organ from the same person.  During both their surgeries and hospital stays, we got to know each other's families and we were all rooting for them both to get well.  Later, both would have a son after transplant. Derrick and his wife, Misty, welcomed their second child, Matthew, and we were lucky to have Buddy Roller, our first and only.

We gained some new friends, life friends, on that day, ten years ago.  Mark and Derrick are "kidney" brothers and Misty and I are sistahs forever.  Over the years, we've stayed in touch and gotten together for many occasions like girls' night out and our kids' birthday parties.

So today is a cause for celebration. Happy ten years. Happy kidney transplant day!!!