When I got there, it was like I expected it would be. A room full of beautiful, strong, confident women leaders, young and "wise" and every age in between...99.9% of whom I did not know. I had seen most of them around, but I did not know them personally. Only one of them I knew.
Great! I am soooo uncomfortable being in a room full of people I hardly know. I'm just not that super out-going person who makes schmoozing look effortless. What do I do? Do I try to strike up a conversation with any one of them? Who? What do I say? I soooo hate this feeling.
I managed to make my way over to the one person I knew and chit chatted for a few minutes. When the conversation ended, and after I had talked myself out of being brave enough to meet a stranger, I just moseyed my way over to a lonely table and its one lonesome chair. I sat there trying to look calm and collected like I didn't mind at all being the only one sitting alone with no one to talk to...when on the inside I was just mortified!
That's when she...this elegant being and the very essence of a woman...walked over to me and pulled another table to join mine. Then she gracefully walked across the room returning each time with a chair she lifted herself to bring to my table muttering something about "there's no way you're going to sit here all by yourself when there are all these women around." Now if you understood who "she" was, you would understand that this was the most humble thing she could do to serve me. People are usually serving her. I was dumbfounded; I just sat there when I should have gotten up and helped with the chairs. It left me with a greater respect and admiration for this woman, but at the same time also made me a teeny bit more mortified as it drew unwanted attention to me!
Well, my table eventually filled up with five other women, and all this time I'm asking myself, why am I here? Why me? How do I fit in with this group of women who are leaders and life changers? Is this a mistake? Was my invitation meant for someone else? Why me? Why? Why?
Then the very lovely and elegant woman took the floor and answered all my nagging questions. As it turns out, each woman was hand picked to attend this event. Really? Me? Picked? Who picked me? We were given the details about the gathering and were told that although we were invited to come, it was not a mandate. We were to prayerfully consider taking the next step.
I have to admit that while a small part of me feels someone did make a teeny mistake for inviting me, another slightly bigger part of me feels like I was called to this meeting. For every doubt that crept into my mind, the elegant woman had an answer to combat each of my fears.
As a Christian, I know the enemy loves to tell lies. You're not worthy enough, you don't belong here, you're not good enough, that invitation was sent to you by accident. I should know better. But still, I was sitting there believing all those lies. And if the enemy has his way, I will go on believing that. Whatever happened to "yes" girl. Where is she?!
So...
Why not me?
It is ironic that I have been praying for an opportunity like this one. Not exactly, but pretty darn close. And I know that while we have our plans, God has an even bigger one. Right? To be part of a group of like-minded women, who are authentic, transparent, spiritual, united in the goal to love those who need it most and change lives...is really intriguing.
This is a great challenge for me to get out of my comfort zone and open myself up for growth and new fulfilling "real" relationships. It's time to act and seize the moment. I'm the only one holding me back, and it would be a missed opportunity if I closed the door on this one.
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