A Note a Day

I wrote a note to three students today. Just a few sentences to let them know that I care, and that I was proud of them for not giving up and for trying in class yesterday.  And believe me, it's a big deal to "try" and not give up.  I know the notes mattered.  One, because I got a sincere "thank you," and two, because a student actually wrote a letter back to me.  It really is about building relationships.

I used to write notes to my students.  I don't know why I stopped. I need to get back to that. And getting back to that is the reason for today's post.

It started a few weeks ago.

I was feeling frustrated, burned out, and hopeless. Really. I've been in a negative space. Some of the teachers at work have been complaining day in and day out, and without realizing it, I was feeding into it and letting it get to me. Before I realized it, I, too, was beginning to be negative.  I was focusing too much on the failures and not the successes in the classroom.

It's my personality to want everything perfect. To have all my students motivated and trying every day.  For all my students to care about their education. For all my students to be respectful and responsible.  I've been focusing on the wrong thing, and it's been frustrating me.

I should have realized what was happening. I know better. This can happen in the teaching world, especially in a Title I school.  The goal is to not let it happen. Not let the situation get the better of you.

Thank God for The Hubs who put things in perspective for me. Isn't it great when you have a spouse who makes you a better person? It is. Really.

I asked him what he thought the problem was. What should I do to fix things? And he gave me a list of four things.

1. Outside influence - negative energy
2. Perspective - where does joy come from?
3. Realistic expectations - % of students pass/fail
4. Stress relief/management (as in exercise)

Hmmm...

All four of them were right on! The last one, I admit, I need to work on.

So this week, I have a newfound goal of persevering through this second semester of the school year. It is typically when a lot of teachers start to feel burned out, and it isn't that uncommon.

We had a department meeting yesterday, and before some of the teachers started to moan and groan, I suggested we each share something positive about our day to start off. I even said it was easy to fall into the mode of complaining, but we weren't going to do that today.

Well it didn't work. A couple of them found it hard to even find one good thing to say, and before I knew it, the complaining just took over.  Just like that! So I just tuned them out, and I did not add to the conversation. Wow, it's going to take more work to get them to be positive, but I'm not giving up!

I'm getting back to what's important and being positive again. It feels great.

I'm going to make it a habit and write at least a few notes to encourage my students every day.

It's a good thing.

Chalk Talk Thursday

Encouraging words to inspire the future.

Family Dinners

Best conversations are had over dinner.

The "How Are You?" Statement

Chimney Rock State Park, North Carolina

"How are you?" is a question. Not a statement.  Let that sink in for a moment.

As you go about your day to day life, do you find that "How are you" is not a question, but rather a statement? I think if we were to be honest, it would be the latter. It is for me...some of the time. Someone mentioned this thought provoking statement last week and since then, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

In fact, it seems every time I said, "How are you?" to someone in the last few days, a little voice reminded me...You just did it again, you asked someone how they are...but it was a statement not a question. 

I am guilty of this. 

Are you? 

I have been so programmed to say this to friends and co-workers, in passing, busy to get to the next meeting or next appointment, or just in a hurry to get another thing checked off my "to-do" list. Likewise, I think we are also programmed in our response, automatically replying, "I'm doing well, how are you?"

Do we really expect people to answer honestly? And if we do, are we prepared to hear how they are really doing. Are we prepared for their responses, and if we aren't, are we still going to inquire?

By making "How are you" a statement, in passing, and not a question, I have undoubtedly missed dozens and dozens of opportunities to really have an authentic meaningful conversation with someone by just being caring, rather than making an empty statement.

I'm certainly not implying that I will never ask that question again, I'm just saying that perhaps I need to be more deliberate about my words.

"How are you?" is a question. It shouldn't be a statement.

On Transformation

Montego Bay, Jamaica

Feeling deserving on this rainy day.

Why Not Me?

I attended an "invitation only" event this evening. Women only.  At this time, I cannot reveal the details of the event as it's still in the "foundational" stage.

When I got there, it was like I expected it would be. A room full of beautiful, strong, confident women leaders, young and "wise" and every age in between...99.9% of whom I did not know. I had seen most of them around, but I did not know them personally. Only one of them I knew.

Great! I am soooo uncomfortable being in a room full of people I hardly know. I'm just not that super out-going person who makes schmoozing look effortless. What do I do? Do I try to strike up a conversation with any one of them? Who? What do I say? I soooo hate this feeling.

I managed to make my way over to the one person I knew and chit chatted for a few minutes. When the conversation ended, and after I had talked myself out of being brave enough to meet a stranger, I just moseyed my way over to a lonely table and its one lonesome chair. I sat there trying to look calm and collected like I didn't mind at all being the only one sitting alone with no one to talk to...when on the inside I was just mortified!

That's when she...this elegant being and the very essence of a woman...walked over to me and pulled another table to join mine.  Then she gracefully walked across the room returning each time with a chair she lifted herself to bring to my table muttering something about "there's no way you're going to sit here all by yourself when there are all these women around." Now if you understood who "she" was, you would understand that this was the most humble thing she could do to serve me. People are usually serving her.  I was dumbfounded; I just sat there when I should have gotten up and helped with the chairs.  It left me with a greater respect and admiration for this woman, but at the same time also made me a teeny bit more mortified as it drew unwanted attention to me!

Well, my table eventually filled up with five other women, and all this time I'm asking myself, why am I here? Why me? How do I fit in with this group of women who are leaders and life changers? Is this a mistake? Was my invitation meant for someone else? Why me? Why? Why?

Then the very lovely and elegant woman took the floor and answered all my nagging questions. As it turns out, each woman was hand picked to attend this event.  Really? Me? Picked? Who picked me? We were given the details about the gathering and were told that although we were invited to come, it was not a mandate. We were to prayerfully consider taking the next step.

I have to admit that while a small part of me feels someone did make a teeny mistake for inviting me, another slightly bigger part of me feels like I was called to this meeting.  For every doubt that crept into my mind, the elegant woman had an answer to combat each of my fears.

As a Christian, I know the enemy loves to tell lies. You're not worthy enough, you don't belong here, you're not good enough, that invitation was sent to you by accident. I should know better.  But still, I was sitting there believing all those lies. And if the enemy has his way, I will go on believing that. Whatever happened to "yes" girl. Where is she?!

So...

Why not me?

It is ironic that I have been praying for an opportunity like this one. Not exactly, but pretty darn close. And I know that while we have our plans, God has an even bigger one. Right? To be part of a group of like-minded women, who are authentic, transparent, spiritual, united in the goal to love those who need it most and change lives...is really intriguing.

This is a great challenge for me to get out of my comfort zone and open myself up for growth and new fulfilling "real" relationships.  It's time to act and seize the moment. I'm the only one holding me back, and it would be a missed opportunity if I closed the door on this one.

What I'm (Still) Learning at 41

J. Alexander's carrot cake

1. Don't take things personally.

2. Blood isn't always thicker than water.

3. Life is fleeting; live with no regrets.

4. Even though life is busy, take some time to enjoy the beauty around you.

5. Forgiveness is not for the weak.

6. Though sad, some people (through choice or circumstance) are only in your life for a short time.

7. Dessert is always the best course!

8. Challenge yourself and be kind to those who put a wall up and make it difficult to love them.

9. Sometimes time-outs are a necessity.

10. Motherhood really changes you. Really.

It's Already A Great Day

It's already a great day on this my 41st birthday, and I want to write down everything I'm feeling right at this very moment.

This is what I found waiting for me downstairs this morning and it just warmed my heart. I just love little surprises!

The Hubs has a great sense of humor, and this card captured that. It's almost as if the author knew who he was writing the card for!

And Buddy Roller's card really made my heart melt. So sweet, and I loved how he signed his name, and how he drew those cute little hearts.

I also received phone calls and text messages from all the special people in my life...my mom, my sister (we share the same birthday too), my BFSF and dear friends. Gosh, I'm feeling really special today.

And then on my way to work, I played one of my favorite songs in the car. I had it blasting, and I felt really happy. This song always puts me in a good mood.

It's already a great day.  Have yourself a happy Wednesday!

These Things I Know Are True

So another teacher mom returned to work today after being away for several weeks on maternity leave. She is a first time mom. During the weeks leading up to her return, I wondered how she was coping, and I sent her a few text messages here and there to say hello. I could tell from her her many posts on Facebook that she was just adoring her new little guy. There were pictures of him in his new baby outfits, pictures of him smiling, napping...you remember those days when your little ones were so tiny and you captured every picture any chance you could get?

I knew she would be super busy this morning getting acclimated and catching up on all she could before the first student arrived. I waited for as long as I could, and then I peeked into her room to say "welcome back" only to find her crying and trying desperately to hold back more tears. Another teacher had asked her about her baby, and that's all it took for the tears to come.  Oh no. Yup...it was the "first day back at work without baby" syndrome. Oh my heart went out to her. Been there, done that. Sigh.

As I was thinking about her today, I reflected on motherhood, in general, and how I felt returning to work, as a new mom, and how I survived (barely) every day I was away from Buddy Roller. Here's what I know:

1.  Becoming a mother makes you a million times more emotional that you ever were. And since I was already emotional before I became a mom, oh boy, you can only imagine! It's no wonder I cry easily these days...just by watching a random TV commercial about motherhood. The Olympics P&G commercial gets me every time! Also those Publix commercials during the holidays.  Bottom line, expect moms, new and old, to cry at the drop of a dime!

2. Don't ask a mom (especially a new one) on her first day back at work how her baby is. It will just set off the water works...as it did for this teacher. Yes you may be dying to ask, but let her initiate the conversation about her new bundle of joy. Asking her will only remind her that she is at work and not at home where she really wants to be.

3. Becoming a mom brings out your affectionate side. I was never truly a "touchy feely person" before Buddy Roller. I think it was partly because I grew up with my Asian mom who wasn't extremely affectionate but who showed me love in many other ways.  Now I'm that mom who gives Roller lots of hugs and kisses, always caressing his face and hair. Yup this motherhood thing sure has changed me.

4. Moms are always sacrificing. Whether it's more time, less sleep, giving up that last slice of cake, you name it, moms do whatever they need to do for their babies.

5.  Motherhood changes you. Period. I never truly understood until I became a mom, no one could have explained it to me even if they tried, and I often wonder how I could ever live my life without having had the pleasure of this extraordinary experience. It is a gift, and I treasure it.

Now here's that sappy commercial that gets me...every time!

How Beautiful

Admiring this morning's beauty and tranquility.

What to Do on a Day Off

See Paddington with my little love.

A Cup of Hot Nutty Goodness

Green tea with hazelnut creamer...yum!

What to do on a Sunday Night

Ticket to Ride brings neighbors together.

Sunday Reading

Various interests merge at the bookstore.

By the way, I spotted this book on my way out. Quick, easy and healthy recipes...I think I'd like to try making some of these delicious dishes.

It's an Obsession...I Admit It!

Treating myself to gel nails again.

Can You Believe It?

100th day of school...time flies!

The Best of the Worst

On this Chalk Talk Thursday, consider this. Where are you in life? Are you the best of the worst, or the worst of the best?

We had a parent conference this morning for one middle school student who is not doing his best.  He is barely passing his classes, does hardly any class work, is distracted by his peers, and goes home pretty much every night and tells his mom he has no homework. Every night.

Now you know if you have a kid in school who has "no homework," every night, something's gotta be wrong. Right? Right!

Anyway this mom was at the end of her rope, and wanted us team of teachers to fix the problem.  She complained she went to work at 9:30 a.m. and didn't get home til 8:30 at night, and she's too tired and doesn't want to fight with her son about homework when he doesn't even want to show her his notebooks and get this...he shuts her out of his room!  Really??? Who's the parent? Who makes the rules in that house? Seriously?

Well turns out mom needed a little schooling herself! I told her that there were teachers around this same table looking at her who get here at 7 a.m. and don't leave til 7 at night, and we're tired too! Each teacher sees her child for one hour everyday, we do the best we can with that one hour, and we need her to do her job as a parent and support what we do in the classroom...at home! I mean seriously!? When did it become a teacher's job to make sure students do their homework? Uhmmm...isn't that what parents are supposed to do?

Think she got the lesson straight? I sure hope so!

Now this same student mentioned to us that he did want to go to college and study to be a researcher. We tried to show him that he needed to put forth a lot more effort and pass all his classes if he wants to accomplish his goal. And since he was complacent with just a "passing" grade, one of the teachers on my team tried to drive home the point a little bit clearer by telling him about "the best of the worst, and the worst of the best."

What a great analogy!

And that's real talk on educating students and their parents!

So where are you in life? Are you the best of the worst, or the worst of the best?

I don't know about you, but I'm never okay with mediocrity and just being average!

Wedded Wednesdays

Happy wife...happy life...so true!

Road Trip Anyone?

Wowzers...that's what I'm talking about!

Because Sometimes Only Chocolate Will Do...

It's the little things...thanks Hubs!

Favorite Bedtime Book of All Time

The Day the Crayons Quit...winner!

TGIF...I Live for My Weekends

Ticket to Ride equals Friday fun.

Chalk Talk Thursday

How strange and changeful is life!

How small a thing is needed to make or ruin us.

...from the short story, "The Diamond Necklace" I'm reading with my kids this week.

Arctic Air Is Freezing the ATL

(Photo taken last winter)

It is biting cold outside....Brrrrrr.

Chalk Talk Tuesday

"I just want to clone you."

An AP told me that today.

I guess I'm doing something right.

Mondays With Roller

My baby's growing up too fast

Six words won't do.  Not today. I have way more to say.

This morning I returned to work after two weeks off. Buddy Roller stayed home with The Hubs as kids don't go back to school until tomorrow. They spent the day going through ALL his old toys, deciding which ones to "give away" to kids who could use them.  We've been putting this off for a while, and if you're the parents of a young one, then you know how toys can accumulate over the years. Right?

Anyways I came home to find the toys already sorted into piles. There were all his Thomas trains and tracks, an assortment of all his other toy cars, trucks, and action figures...even some I thought for sure he would want to keep like his Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What?! He was ready to give them all away to other kids! I found the adorable set of six soft cars, the ones when you pull them back on their wheels they move forward on their own...my mom had bought those for him. I remember the day she purchased them. I also remember when we went to a friend's house and Roller had accidentally forgotten one of them in the back yard. I remember calling that friend and begging her to find the car, which she did, and returned to me a few days later. I found the light-up stegosaurus I bought for him at one of our trips to the Fernbank Museum two summers ago. I went through each pile, touching each little toy, remembering and reminiscing. Where did the time go?

And then the tears came. I didn't think I would cry over something like this, and I was kind of glad The Hubs was here to do this with Roller because it might have been way too hard for me to take charge of this milestone task.  I'm beginning to understand why mothers cry when their children go off to college, when they get married, and then when they turn around and have babies themselves. It's really bittersweet to watch your kids grow up and then become mature and independent.

Sigh.

I'm telling you...I'm taking the advice of moms who've already told me to hug and love on my kid as much as I can. I know there will be a day when he will not want me to. So every chance I get, I hug him plenty and kiss him millions of times all over his sweet, sweet face.

There is nothing like a mother's love. And no matter how much someone would try to tell me, I would never, never understand until I had a baby of my own.

Buddy Roller...mommy loves you so, so much. I love you to the moon and back. I love you to infinity and beyond. I love you to pieces!

And just for old times sake, my little guy humored me and put on his Thomas hat, scarf and lanyard just one more time. The engineer hat is a bit snug now for this growing boy. Look at those eyes!

Now compare those photos with this one taken when he was almost three years old!

Motherhood is a journey. I feel so lucky to be on this ride of a lifetime with these two special guys.

Taking Delight in the Little Things

Enjoying my chimes this windy day.

Wishing For Sunnier Skies

Feeling blue...thinking of my sanctuary.

After Eating Out A Lot...

There's nothing like home cooked meals.

No More Holiday in a Cup

No eggnog lattes...chai will do.

Just Six Words

In the midst of taking down the tree on New Year's Day.

Happy New Year!

So here's my plan for the month of January. I'm going to be posting six word memoirs this month. That means I'm going to "try" to post every day but just six words at a time. And maybe if I'm truly inspired, I will post two six word memoirs.  These memoirs are short, fun and right to the point and really just sum up your life at that particular moment. You should try it!

I'm doing this to challenge myself. I can be a little OCD at times...I tend to over-analyze everything, and something that should only take me a few minutes can turn into a much longer time...just because. I rewrite text messages, I over edit these blog posts way too much, I clean my house before every family trip because I love coming home to a clean house, and no matter what time we get back from a trip/vacation....I have to unpack.

So...in an attempt to live a much simpler and less OCD life, and to spend a little less time on this blog (that only my mom reads) here go my six word memoirs for the month of January, starting now:

What goes up, must come down.

Do something amazingly different this year!