What to REALLY Expect

What can you really expect when you're expecting?

There are a few things I wish someone had told me before Buddy Roller was born.

I have the famous book, What To Expect When You're Expecting.

I've read it.

But somehow it, and other books, didn't quite prepare me for what was ahead.

A friend of mine, who was pregnant for the first time, was suddenly told she would have her baby three weeks early via cesarean section!

Being a first time mom is nerve-racking enough.

Then add surgery...WEEKS early.

Yikes!!!

That's enough to send anyone into ULTRA-stress mode.

I tried to reassure her and told her some helpful things, I hope, to put her at ease but also not give her too much information to send her into further panic.

It got me thinking about my own experience and what I wished someone had told me.

I, too, had to have a c-section because Buddy Roller decided he didn't want to get into the "right" position.

But I knew this months before he was due; I was prepared, at least mentally, for the surgery.

True, everyone's experience is different.

But here's my take-away...

What to Really Expect: Five Things to Expect after Having a C-Section: 

1.  The hospital stay is a vacation. The real work begins at home!
Don't get too comfortable in the hospital. The "experienced" staff can be so great, you can start to get a false sense of reality.  They do everything for you and the baby that things seem like they are running pretty smoothly. Things don't run as smoothly at home as I later found out. With no qualified nurses at home, new moms and dads have to figure things out for themselves. It is totally overwhelming that first week.

2.  The more help at home (and I don't mean from the husband), the better off the new mommy will be.
Let's face it, husbands are not the most maternal beings.  I'm just keeping it real. I love The Hubs. He's a great husband, father, and provider, but a caregiver...he is not. He tried his best, he did.  But he just isn't wired that way.  We made the mistake of having my mom come the second week after Buddy Roller arrived. We thought we needed time as a family to bond, just the three of us. In hindsight, mom should have been there right when we got home from the hospital. Moms know best. They are maternal and have those motherly instincts. They can multitask...they can take care of both mommy and baby and make it look easy!

3.  Keep telling yourself, "This is only temporary, things will get better."
There will be hard times and moments where you think you can't do this. I had many breakdowns and periods where I would just cry. I felt so overwhelmed. I felt so uncertain of my skills as a mother.  I felt so awkward. My mother-in-law was the one who kept reminding me that how I was feeling was only temporary and things would get better. And you know what? She was so right.

4.  Sleeping on your stomach and going to the bathroom.
One of the things I missed the most while I was pregnant was sleeping on my stomach. I was sooooo looking forward to that after I got home from the hospital. It didn't happen. I couldn't even get in and out of bed properly, let alone get comfortable enough to sleep. In addition to giving you tons of baby supplies and formula, turns out what the hospital really needs to do is send you home with a bed!!! No wonder sleep was so good in the hospital. The ability to adjust and recline your bed is really important. Lying flat after a c-section is a no-go.  That's something I wish someone would have told me. Plus this. For some reason, after my surgery I couldn't tell when I had to use the bathroom (we're talking about number one here), but I would have the most uncomfortable feeling. There would be pressure and lots of discomfort. I finally figured out after a few days that doing a number one relieved all the discomfort. Duh! When in doubt, just empty your bladder. You will feel a lot better!

5.  There's a reason there are no full length mirrors in your hospital room.
Okay this one was truly a big deal for me. Really. I have never struggled with my weight and I have been in pretty good shape and health my whole life. I think one of the things women are mostly concerned with is getting their "figure" back after having a baby. Of course I wondered what I would look like after having my baby. Would the weight just miraculously fall off as it does for some women? You know what I mean. There are some women who walk in the hospital with a watermelon of a stomach and then when they leave, you're like, "What the heck, how did she get so lucky?" She walks out with a flat stomach like the baby was never even in there in the first place!  Well, I was very curious about how my mid-section looked, but I was not able to see it because there were no full length mirrors in the hospital room or bathroom. Well, when I got home, I got to see my mid-section. And the result? I cried like a baby. Yes sir; I did. I was not expecting what I saw. I was horrified. I was mortified.  I don't remember the epidural or the pain of the surgery, but I will never forget seeing myself in the mirror and hating what I saw. That was hard. But...what does #3 say? I reminded myself, "This is only temporary, things will get better." And they did. I shed all those extra pounds. I lost weight dramatically during that first month. My mom was even surprised. Eventually, when I started to feel like myself again, 10 weeks later, I started running  and before I knew it, I was back to my pre-baby weight.  By the time I returned to work, three months later, I weighed less than before I was pregnant.  It was only temporary, things did get better.

 

Final words.

There have been countless books written and many movies made about motherhood.

But truth be told, none of them may come close to what you will experience.

And, if you're like my friend who just had her baby and had to have an unplanned c-section, I hope this little bit helps while you're recovering and learning how to be a mom for the very first time.

Hang in there.

How you're feeling is temporary.

It will get better.