Struggles of a Working Mom

A teeny tiny Buddy Roller

I ran into her this morning in the teachers' mailroom. She's an eighth grade science teacher, and I was shocked to see her.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you on maternity leave?" I asked.

"It's my first day back," she said reluctantly, "I've been gone for eight weeks."

Ugh. I remember that dreaded first day back to work after maternity leave. Leaving your baby, loaded with hormones and all, to return to work. Double ugh.  All I could think was dang, eight weeks surely goes fast!

"Yeah, I had a talk with my baby this morning and told him how sad it is that I have to go back to work," she said, "At least I haven't cried yet."

"I understand," I said sympathetically, "I remember those days. And by the way, you look great!" I said to try to change the subject before she did in fact start crying.  But she did look great. You know those women who bounce right back after having a baby...losing the baby weight and looking like they were never even pregnant in the first place? Yup that was her.

She had that same look on her face I did when I had Buddy Roller more than five years ago. The look that comes when you try to juggle it all, knowing full well that you will fall short in one too many areas. She had the luggage to prove it too. She had her purse slung over her shoulder, another tote and that bulky black bag I remember lugging around...the one to pump breast milk.  Yup I sure remember those days. And this was her third baby, but it goes to show...whether it's your first or your third...all working moms go through the same emotions and struggles.

It sure is a juggling act. I remember, not so long ago, walking my students to lunch, rushing back to my classroom to pump milk while drinking some protein shake because I didn't have time to eat, and then rushing back to pick up my students in the 20 short minutes we teachers get for lunch. Ugh. Those were the busiest, hectic, and most stressful times of my life.  But they were also the most enjoyable.  I remember looking forward to the end of each and every day to see my baby. That was my saving grace.  That's what got me through those crazy times.

So as that eighth grade teacher made it through her first day back at work, I can't help but reflect on the struggles of working moms.  A number of teachers at my school are pregnant. One will soon be a first time mom. It is an exciting time.  But that excitement can quickly grow into feelings of anxiety and sadness when returning to work. I don't how we do it, except that we just do.

Just the other day I was wistfully thinking about what it would be like to have another baby.  Some days I regret that Buddy Roller is an only child.  Some days I wonder what it would be like to have a daughter. Who would she look like? What would she be like? How different is it raising a daughter than a son?  I think it would be wonderful to have another little person to love, but honestly, there are more days when I think us three is just enough. I know I will continue to go back and forth on this, and I'm sure there will come a day when I will regret not having another. But I just know it is a huge deal to be a working mom and not have the support of an extended family to help. You are spread so thin and I don't know if I could subject myself, or The Hubs and Buddy Roller, to a life that's even busier and more hectic than it is already.

So for now...it's looking like it's just us three...and no more.